I’ve always been slightly appalled but never-the-less impressed by the courage of men in previous generations to answer their country’s call-to-arms and go off to fight wars. Doubtless, in the distant past, most of them had no idea what they were letting themselves in for and probably regretted their initial enthusiasm within minutes of arriving on the battlefield. But they still did it and while it’s fashionable among historical circles to talk about lost generations and wasted lives, I’m fairly sure most men would answer the call again if it was ever made.
There have been a number of articles on-line and in the papers on the rise of the suicide rate among men. Given the ability of most men to volunteer willingly for a life-threatening activity like warfare, this rise is all the more puzzling. The cut-and-thrust of office politics or battles of a domestic kind are hardly comparable and yet they seem to be driving increasing numbers of men over the edge.
I had a look at various websites for an answer.
The Campaign Against Living Miserably (CALM) has the laudable aim of tackling the suicide rate among men under 45. There seemed to be a lot of sport-related activities on their website that suggested to me a kind of non-lethal form of warfare. All well and good but I did wonder if they were being slightly exclusive; what if you don’t like sport? What if you prefer to stay calm a different way? In particular, what if you happen to be over 45?
I decided to write to them. I pointed out that while I acknowledged the under 45s have fewer coping strategies than the over 50s and are more likely to self-harm, being 50+ can still be a bit crap – especially if you’ve lost your job and there seems little prospect of getting a new one.
They responded with admirable speed: they sent me the number for the Samaritans.
I’m sure they didn’t mean to be dismissive but it felt like coming across a tree house with a sign that says ‘no adultz’. I did ask about all the sports and CALM added a disclaimer saying they were not responsible for the events on display. I didn’t find that very helpful either.
At the opposite extreme, I found a website (which shall remain nameless because I don’t want to admit going on it) that looked more like an advert for bath oils than a place our war-like ancestors would have sacrificed their lives for. There was a lot of nonsense about inner man and meditation that was, quite frankly, embarrassing. All my inner man needs, in a physical rather than metaphysical sense, is a decent meal and perhaps an occasional beer. And if I feel like meditating, I’ll take a nap.
I’m sure these sites are helping the people who created them, and those of a like-minded nature, but I wasn’t terribly impressed. For me, they didn’t really tackle the root of the problem or offer any permanent solutions.
For thousands of years, men have been defined by their actions. The hunting party, the reapers, the barn-raisers, miners, foundry workers, war-makers and countless other physical activities brought men together in groups for a single purpose, either to save or serve their community. Those activities created the feeling of solidarity that is largely absent from our modern world. Men have become isolated from each other because most of us are not required to put our lives in each other’s hands.
I’m afraid kicking a ball around a field or sitting in a circle and talking about feelings isn’t enough. It’s not that we can’t talk about our feelings or find transitory pleasure in scoring a goal - but what’s the point?
The phrase ‘man-up’ has been, quite rightly, attacked for not helping very much. Being told to ‘man-up’ if you’re under stress and at the end of your tether, is a bit like telling an anorexic to ‘eat something’. But what the critics fail to appreciate is how impossible ‘manning-up’ is in a society where our ability to do a meaningful action is so limited. If you’d told a hunter-gatherer to ‘man-up’ he would have gone out and killed something. The animal would have provided food and resources. Everybody would be pleased with him. But what chance do we have? Nobody is going to be impressed if you spit-roast the neighbour’s cat – not when there’s an app for that kind of thing.
Of course, I’m not advocating that we tool-up and invade Belgium. Or sharpen some flints and find a cave. And there are an enormous number of manly activities that do have a purpose and do bring men together to both save and serve the community.
But for those men who live a sedentary life, have jobs that we feel are meaningless or no job at all, that isn’t your fault; that’s the way society is at the moment. But society is going to change – it always does. There are so many things failing, from the state of the climate to the state of our politics, that men of all kinds are going to have to come together to fix in the future. Because that’s what we’re best at. We might be rubbish at talking about our feelings and multi-tasking but give us a single objective, to save our race and civilisation, and most of us will volunteer without further thought.
So, in conclusion, perhaps ‘man-up’ should be a call-to-arms. It might not be our generation that sees our society collapse or, just to be slightly more positive, has an opportunity to colonise other worlds and do the exciting stuff promised by science fiction, but we need to prepare our children for all the possibilities. And for that to happen, we need to stop beating ourselves up (or worse) and stop believing there’s no role for men anymore.
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